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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23032933">to love a liar (i'll see you in my dreams)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mutemelody/pseuds/mutemelody'>mutemelody</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Child Neglect (Mentions), Deceit Sanders Angst, Deceit Sanders-centric, Gender Identity, Genderfluid Character, Human Sides (Sanders Sides), Hurt/Comfort, Identity Issues, LGBTQ Themes, Mentions of Smut, Morally Neutral Deceit Sanders, Multi, Nonbinary Character, References to Depression, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Trans Male Character</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 13:35:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,212</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23032933</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mutemelody/pseuds/mutemelody</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He also lies more. He lies and lies and lies. </p><p>He lies that he’s as cold and vicious as people say, because solitude is better than being prey. He lies that his name is based off of his middle name - he doesn’t even have one -  because people rarely call him what he tells them to unless there’s a reason that can be put down on an official document. He lies and feigns indifference, because he’s done with being bullied for that kid who likes poetry and theater and philosophers older than grandparents.</p><p>He lies and lies and lies and lies until no one knows what is true. </p><p>He lies that he doesn’t care to meet his soulmates. That’s the biggest lie of them all.</p><p>Because despite his cynicism and pessimism and everything else in between, he can’t help but hope that when he meets his soulmates, they’ll take him away from all the lies.</p><p>He does wonder sometimes, though, if he’s lying to himself by even considering that a possibility.</p><p>After all, who could love a liar?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton, Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton/Deceit Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders &amp; Deceit Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders &amp; Logic | Logan Sanders (Background), Deceit Sanders &amp; Sleep | Remy Sanders</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>486</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>to love a liar (i'll see you in my dreams)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I finished this fanfiction before Halloween 2019 but never posted it so here is it pre-written notes and all: </p><p>I don't even know. This is a really self-indulgent and kind of a vent story that I thought would be a quick one-shot but now I am over 7000 words. I had a Big Gender Revelation over the summer so this was a good way to vent that out. </p><p>Also, I might have made up this Soulmate AU. I am not really sure but if I did feel free to use it I  think its neat. I will add all the details and stuff in the end note.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Dee holds no guilt for his lies. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And he never will. Not really. Well, at least </span>
  <em>
    <span>those </span>
  </em>
  <span>lies. The ones from when he was younger. The ones to the foster parents and the other kids he meets. The lies are the only reason he was able to bear his solitude and keep himself together as long as he did. The only defense he had had against a world that would have gladly broken him irreperably if given the opportunity.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had learned to lie in foster care. He doesn’t remember his parents too clearly, but the vague memories he holds are ones that lack any emotion. Neglectful, he remembers them being described. Uncaring.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Unwanted, </span>
  </em>
  <span>he hears the adults not say, but knows that was what they meant. It’s clear enough. Other kids say it plain out. He prefers that to a lie of omission.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His peers don’t know what a lie of omission is, both in literal definition and in practice. This becomes clear to him when they describe all the reasons his parents didn’t care about him. It’s the vitiligo that paints a picture of splattered paint against a dark canvas across his body. It’s the  glasses he has to wear to help his remarkably-poor and incredibly skewed vision. It’s the way he corrects all the adults around him constantly, refusing to be called anything but Dee.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>(“It doesn’t feel right,” He tries to explain to his foster parents. “Sometimes it makes me feel bad. Dee always feels okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s your name.” He’s told. “You’ll learn to like it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Spoiler alert: He doesn’t, and the name Dee stays with him long after they leave his life.)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So with all things considered, it really should not be surprising to realize that he is guiltless in his lies about his Soul Animal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tells a child at one family that he spends his time waiting for his soulmates in the trees. It extends his stay at that family by weeks longer than the other families that he told the truth to.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tells one boy that he and his soulmates are all creatures of water, and that he spends his time waiting for them in the sea. He stays with that family a whole two months longer than normal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The families he tells the truth to? They drop him soon after. It’s not that it’s particularly taboo or distasteful, it’s just the straw that breaks the camel’s back when combined everything else that makes him up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>easy </span>
  </em>
  <span>to lie when society works in his favor in this case. Your Soul Animal - not to be confused with a spirit animal - is something that is considered personal, private. Of course, children are children, and they push and hint and let things slip. He could say the Soul Animals of all of the kids in his previous foster families easily despite the private nature of such a thing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So it’s simple to stay guiltless when his lies are simply lies of omission, misdirections carefully crafted through experience. He drops false trails with seemingly indifferent and careless words. He hints he’s a dolphin, a hawk, a bear - whatever he tells will appeal to his audience - with confidence that he doesn’t truly own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Some cases it really helps. Some it worsens, when they realize the ease with which the lies spill from his mouth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because, </span>
  <em>
    <span>really, </span>
  </em>
  <span>who would love the foster kid who lies as easy as breathing, whose own family didn’t want him?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But still, it’s better the truth. Because it’s hard to love a foster kid who lies, but it’s impossible to love him when, on top of everything else he turns into a snake when he sleeps, destined to wander the plains and rain forests of his dream world alone until he’s old enough to meet those that he’s destiny-bound to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knows the sheer impossibility of this easily. He’s had his peers drill this into his head enough. Snakes are creepy. They’re vicious. They’re evil.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, therefore, he must be all those things as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And it hurts him. He lets it get under his skin and fuel his deceptive nature. It hurts, and it makes him want to break down because his skin</span>
  <em>
    <span> already </span>
  </em>
  <span>feels wrong some days. Because he </span>
  <em>
    <span>likes </span>
  </em>
  <span>how he looks with vitiligo but no one else does. Because no kids want to befriend him. Because  the adults </span>
  <em>
    <span>never listen.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>But, he manages to piece himself together. He learns to flip the world the bird and deal with himself well enough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He also lies more. He lies and lies and lies. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He lies that he’s as cold and vicious as people say, because solitude is better than being prey. He lies that his name is based off of his middle name - he doesn’t even have one -  because people rarely call him what he tells them to unless there’s a reason that can be put down on an official document. He lies and feigns indifference, because he’s done with being bullied for that kid who likes poetry and theater and philosophers older than grandparents.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually he lies to everyone that he’s okay and gets emancipated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He lies and lies and lies and </span>
  <em>
    <span>lies </span>
  </em>
  <span>until no one knows what is true. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He lies that he doesn’t care for his eighteenth birthday, and that’s the biggest lie because he awaits adulthood </span>
  <em>
    <span>so much. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He lies that he doesn’t care to meet his soulmates. That’s the biggest lie of them all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because despite his cynicism and pessimism and everything else in between, he can’t help but hope that when he meets his soulmates, they’ll take him away from all the lies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He does wonder sometimes, though, if he’s lying to himself by even considering that a possibility.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After all, who could love a liar?</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>One night, a few weeks after his eighteenth birthday, Dee goes to bed and dreams. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He dreams he’s a snake in a rainforest. A king cobra, specifically. His Soul Animal. He dreams of this a lot. This isn’t anything special. He dreams of this and will keep dreaming of it for the rest of his life. Of course, sometimes there are other dreams, but these dreams will be constant.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>However, this </span>
  <em>
    <span>particular </span>
  </em>
  <span>time is very special.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This time, as he travels, he meets a wolf with cyan eyes. There’s a raven perched on the wolf’s strong shoulders, looking at the cobra with beady dark blue eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He freezes at first, hoping that his sudden stillness will hide him. It seems to work for the wolf, at least, but the raven already has him in that dark blue gaze and does not waver. The beautiful bird pecks the wolf’s head to garner attention before flying over to the king cobra. Dee tentatively raises himself, and the bird looks him over before slowly brushing up against him meaningfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The wolf, on the other hand, is none so reserved. Sounds that could only be described as ones filled with happiness and joy fill the air as the canine bounds over and sniffs him before lying down and rubbing against the snake affectionately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dee will never tell anyone this, but he cries when they wake up. It’s the first time he’s let himself cry in a long time.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Despite Dee’s insistence that happy endings are bullshit and life will never give you anything, life does get so much easier after meeting the wolf and the raven.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gets the courage to quit his piece-of-shit job and take the job offer that the local tattoo parlor always offers him. The owner is an insomniac dramatic bitch that can perfectly match him in verbal sparring. He knows his art because he’s frequented the parlor before to get his arm sleeve (a king cobra amongst roses) and they got talking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He always turned it down, because at least his other job </span>
  <em>
    <span>minimized </span>
  </em>
  <span>communication with outsiders. Because deep down, there were always some cold creatures of self-loathing inside him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But then that creature was chased away by a cyan-eyed wolf and a blue-eyed raven, and he shakes hands and switches jobs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remy ends up being the one to introduce Dee to the concept of genderfluidity, due to his own genderflux identity, and everything feels like it’s clicking into place finally.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Other animals join them. Their trio widens and expands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>One day, a lion dramatically charges in with blazing red eyes, expressing affection in such a manner that’s second only to the wolf. Another day, a leopard with a violet gaze slinks in cautiously, bumping noses only after a few slow moments of minimal movement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Something inside of Dee feels complete.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>She goes out the next day and is wearing her glasses as she does so. The headaches that have plagued her since she stopped wearing them lessen slightly, and when she finally gets a new prescription, they fade into memory.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gets contacts, later, but her glasses do not bring the same intense self-hatred they once did.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>But all good things eventually fade, and insecurities rise from decades of being the one that was unloved, unwanted, </span>
  <em>
    <span>cast out.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Dee can’t help but feel small in comparison. Xe is so small when compared to xer soulmates, and, sure, the raven is not as big as the others, but the magnificent feathers and ability to fly surpasses that. Xe, on the other hand? Xe’s completely tied to the ground in such a complete way that none of the others are. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Xe wakes up and breaks xer own promise, lying to xerself that it’s not a problem and that xe doesn’t care.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because xe does. Xe cares </span>
  <em>
    <span>so much.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>They start taking night classes at the community college. Out of high school, they had nowhere near the money to continue education. Now, however, with careful saving and a much better job, they figure out how to work it in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They lie to themselves again and tells themself it’s not just because no soulmate would want someone who just barely graduated high school and stopped. That it’s not in some pathetic effort to make themselves more appealing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They lie and lie and lie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s just what they do.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>The wolf and raven have always known each other, that much Dee has always known. It’s just a fact, something invisible and unspoken but still clear nonetheless. It’s in their closeness, it’s in how clearly they reach each other, how they rarely stray apart. Childhood friends, most likely. They’ve known all along.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The ‘unspoken’ bit is the heart of the matter - sure, they can all make their respective animal noises, but they are not able to truly </span>
  <em>
    <span>understand </span>
  </em>
  <span>what those sounds mean until they meet their soulmate in real life. It’s unspoken to </span>
  <em>
    <span>Dee</span>
  </em>
  <span>, because he has yet to meet them. They can speak to each other as much as they please.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>However, Dee never thinks of the </span>
  <em>
    <span>others </span>
  </em>
  <span>meeting up, until one day he sees something in how the lion interacts with them. There’s something new there, similarly invisible and </span>
  <em>
    <span>unspoken </span>
  </em>
  <span>as what is between the raven and the wolf.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The lion understands what Dee cannot. Can communicate to them in a way Dee cannot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knows then that the lion has met the raven and wolf, that they have found each other in this wild and chaotic world they live in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The leopard lies down beside Dee silently as they watch the three interact. He thinks that the feline may also feel bits of that cold beast of self-loathing that grows within him anew.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Dee’s an expert at holding the broken pieces of her life together even as they continue to crumble further. She’s skilled at minimizing the damage, at persevering, at </span>
  <em>
    <span>surviving.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>So she agrees to go to some of Remy’s parties, agrees to try and meet new people. It’s less a sudden craving in socializing and more a desire for a distraction. Remy knows the places where no one judges and everyone just wants to forget the world, and leads her there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She meets Remus at one of those places. The individual is like a mixture of humor and chaos and absolutely no filter. There’s a silver streak in their hair and their outfit is awful and when Dee meets them they just blurt out, “I’ve never felt a gender in my entire life.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s odd and strange and completely out of left field, but Dee’s spent her whole life dealing with sudden and jarring things, so she just says, “I’ve felt </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>much gender my entire life. Multiple genders, in fact.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus blinks, “Oh. Is that where my spare gender went?” A look of false innocence on their face before they grin and exclaim humorfully, “No matter! We average out enough. Ish. Maybe. Depends on how many you’ve stolen. How many have you taken?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I usually change between four sets of pronouns. Not sure about specific genders.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re a pretty good criminal then. Welcome, my new partner in crime. Now, let’s steal some booze!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s a horrible idea, because Dee </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>can’t afford to get arrested, but for that moment she doesn’t care. They steal a bottle of vodka and a bottle of tequila and end up spending the night completely sober, as they get side-tracked discussing the best way to commit robbery on various locations and the most confusing calling-cards to leave.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>The leopard’s met the raven. Not the others though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dee still curls around the Soul Animals of xer soulmates, still cuddles and interacts with them, that beast of insecurity and self-hatred grows within xer body, along with an overwhelming sense of impending doom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After all, how could they love a soulmate they only see in their dreams? A soulmate they can’t even talk to?</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Remus is also an absolute disaster.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus is also safe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus has three soulmate connections, one familial and two platonic. They’ve already met all of them, so there’s no chance they step out on their friendship with Dee because they’ve suddenly found a soulmate. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s an unopened bottle of tequila in Dee’s closet from their first misadventure. Remus has the vodka. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s the first misadventure of many.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They make a mess of Dee’s kitchen making marshmallow fondant, because Remus wants to play a prank on their brother and some others by convincing them they’re eating deodorant. Dee gives them a simplistic green raccoon tattoo on their left shoulder. Remus breaks their arm trying to climb up Dee’s fire escape. Dee adopts a snake and together they feed him because neither are particularly squeamish, and actually are both </span>
  <em>
    <span>fascinated </span>
  </em>
  <span>watching him eat his meals whole. Remus makes disturbing commentary and Dee shoves them playfully leading Remus to only make it even more disturbing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Things seem to get okay again.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>They’ve all met the leopard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wants to say it doesn’t matter. That she doesn’t care.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not even she can lie about that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’s crumbling, shattering, and sure that’s nothing new, but this time she feels like she’s scrambling to gather the pieces.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So she lies and lies and lies, and tries to ignore the anxiety and insecurity and other dark things that lurk underneath her skin.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>“My brother wants to get a tattoo,” Remus says one day, hanging upside down off of Dee’s bed with Dee’s snake - Macbeth, he’s named him, because he’s able to be that theater nerd with Remus - curled around them. Macbeth seems to like Remus a lot, the traitor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh? What kind?” He asks them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think it’s his soulmates’ Soul Animals or something. I don’t know. He said to ask for your number, though, or else he’d keep blasting prince songs throughout his apartment whenever I’m over.” Remus’s lips curve into an all too familiar mischievous smile. “I’ve already changed the Spotify password, though, so you don’t have to do anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dee chuckles to himself, but takes Remus’s brother’s number anyway. If he doesn’t end up wanting to do it, Remy or another employee could take it. Business is business.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The conversation easily changes from there to how many animals could eat a human whole.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <b>Dee: </b>
  <span>This is Dee, the tattoo artist. Please send me your name so I know Remus didn’t give me the wrong number.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Roman: </b>
  <span>Oh hello!! It’s Roman. Pleasure to hear from you, Dee.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Roman: </b>
  <span>You’re Remus’ friend with the snake, right?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Dee: </b>
  <span>That’s me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dee isn’t aware of how long it takes to go from normal conversation to vaguely-flirting, but it happens.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Dee: </b>
  <span>Oh, don’t worry. I’ve always gotten good reviews.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Dee: </b>
  <span>Then again, those who give bad ones don’t usually last long ;)</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Roman: </b>
  <span>Well then I guess I’ll have to tread carefully, won’t I?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Dee: </b>
  <span>Just don’t tread on me. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Roman: </b>
  <span>Fear not! Snakes are extraordinary creatures. And I’d never dare harm one.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Roman: </b>
  <span>Especially one as fascinating as yourself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If anyone ever asks, Dee will lie. They absolutely did </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>blush at that, thank you very much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>(“‘Don’t tread on me?’ Seriously? If you’re going to flirt with my brother, at least do it </span>
  <em>
    <span>well!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up, Remus!”)</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>The others are concerned about her, she realizes one night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She doesn’t know when it started, what had given her away. Maybe it’s how she’s slowly moved from the center of their cuddles - because she’s a </span>
  <em>
    <span>snake, </span>
  </em>
  <span>and even if it’s a dream she still feels cold without their warmth - to the very edge. Maybe it’s how often she spends coiled in on herself, watching instead of participating, and sometimes even barely doing that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She realizes their concern in how the wolf nudges at her. At the leopard’s looks. In the lion’s attempts to get her to play as they used to. In the raven’s watchful gaze.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But they are unable to ask her what is wrong, and she is unable to ask for help.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Because, </span>
  <em>
    <span>screw it all, </span>
  </em>
  <span>everything still hurts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because, even if xe tries to ignore it, some days it’s all too much. Some days, the shattered pieces are too far out of reach for even xem to piece together into the illusion of a functioning person.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somedays xe just barely can get xemself to class at night, or wake up in the morning for the work. Somedays, xe just wants to shove Remy and Remus away as far as possible and open up that bottle of tequila in the closet and drink it all until xe can’t think anymore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Some days, xe’s just too broken.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Xe tries not to focus on all that, though. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>No, that’s not a story xe wants. Dee’s read too many tragedies to let xemself to live one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Better to focus on the madness and art and the maybe-flirting. That’s a better story. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Better to lie and lie and lie that the bad doesn’t exist, because who’d want to hear that story? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Who’d love that story?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>(Who’d love </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> protagonist?)</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>“I think you should meet my brother.” Remus says one day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He says he doesn’t want the tattoo until he meets all his soulmates.” Dee reminds them, not moving their gaze from Macbeth, who’s currently resting on his lap and looking rather cute, if he says so himself. Roman has multiple soulmates like Dee, although they’re not sure how many. Still, Roman had said meeting them was just a test to make sure Remus </span>
  <em>
    <span>had </span>
  </em>
  <span>actually gone to a professional instead of getting his raccoon tattoo in a back alley somewhere. They’d kept texting afterwards, but Roman still had one more soulmate to meet. He knew the animal, of course, but had said it hadn’t felt </span>
  <em>
    <span>right </span>
  </em>
  <span>before knowing them. Dee could understand well enough, even if he couldn’t relate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not for </span>
  <em>
    <span>work,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Remus corrects, dramatically falling onto the couch as they drag out the last word in a strange manner. They just barely avoid colliding with several things, one of which is Dee. “Just to </span>
  <em>
    <span>talk </span>
  </em>
  <span>or something. You’re both gigantic nerds and he needs a reason to lighten up. He’s been less unbearably bright and wholesome lately, and half the things I do are no fun if he’s not yelling at me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, woe is you,” Dee murmurs, but does eventually shrug their shoulders and say. “Okay. When did you have in mind?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. Whenever. I don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>care, </span>
  </em>
  <span>as long as you two continue your weird flirting thing and both brighten up. I’ve already tried throwing bulbs at </span>
  <em>
    <span>both </span>
  </em>
  <span>of you, and it didn’t work, so frankly I’m desperate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I remember that well.” Dee says, before taking a mental step back, “Wait, why do </span>
  <em>
    <span>I </span>
  </em>
  <span>need to brighten up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus just gives Dee a look, staying silent in an uncharacteristic manner, and that speaks more than any words could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well, okay then.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>“Oh Roman~!” Remus calls, kicking the door in place of knocking and flashing Dee a grin as they do so. Dee rolls her eyes, but relaxes slightly at the familiar behavior.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus told Dee already about their brother and his roommates, about his brother is an out and open transman, about how they all know Remus is nonbinary and respect them, about how they’re all in a polyamorous relationship, about how they’re not assholes and she’ll be safe being whatever gender she’s feeling around them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, </span>
  <em>
    <span>maybe </span>
  </em>
  <span>Dee is wearing a black and yellow skirt that she loves but never feels the courage to wear along with a black crop top that simply says </span>
  <em>
    <span>she/her. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>While she trusts Remus fully to not lead her into a dangerous situation, she </span>
  <em>
    <span>does </span>
  </em>
  <span>still worry - she had told Roman that she used he/him pronouns, because she had been testing the waters. To change that feels like confronting one of her lies, something that has never gone well in her experience.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>(Even though it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>a lie. It never was. She </span>
  <em>
    <span>had </span>
  </em>
  <span>used he/him pronouns then. If it was a lie, it would only be a lie of omission, and sometimes those are </span>
  <em>
    <span>necessary. </span>
  </em>
  <span>She hadn’t felt safe enough to be open off the bat and that’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>okay </span>
  </em>
  <span>so why does she feel </span>
  <em>
    <span>guilty?)</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>So, she decides to do whatever she does when she’s uncomfortable and unable to lie - to loudly and boldy proclaim the </span>
  <em>
    <span>truth, </span>
  </em>
  <span>in hopes that her false confidence will chase away all the bad things.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>(It’s like fight or flight, but with her it’s hide or scream.)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Remus, what are you doing here?” She hears a voice very similar to Remus, but slightly lower, cry out from the other side of the door. Roman, she knows immediately, and her worry goes up a notch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus just kicks again, a wild grin on their face. It’s calming, in some wild, messed-up way. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m coming, I’m coming!” She hears, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>totally </span>
  </em>
  <span>doesn’t half-duck behind Remus’ much larger figure when she hears the door open.</span>
  <em>
    <span> Nope.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you going to do the day you do that and I’m not home?” She hears Roman ask, exasperation clear in his voice, but also a hint of resolve and fondness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s a problem for your neighbors, </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>me.” Remus says, draping themself in the doorway and throwing a hand out as if to dramatically wave away the question. Dee, however, knows for a fact Remus had texted one of Roman’s soulmates-slash-roommates to double check that their brother was home. Their lie of omission of that fact is doubtlessly another one of his tactics to “keep Roman on his toes”.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s a sigh and a few steps, and then a slight pause. “What are you doing? Come in. You’re going to-” Roman’s voice cuts off as Remus moves in, and he catches sight of Dee who was previously hidden due to her smaller size. Roman looks her over carefully, eyes lingering over her crop-top for a moment, before he smiles, “Oh! Hello there, fair maiden.” He does a flourish with the words, the gesture reminding Dee of the chivalry of the fantasy version of the knights of old. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus scoffs at the behavior, “You should know I’d never associate with anyone that could be titled </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘fair maiden’.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Don’t let her fool you - she’s a shit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Keep talking. Next time I won’t cover your ass for the cops,” Dee snarks back, entering the apartment with a confidence she does not have. It’s an art form she’s perfected. Remus just drops lazily onto the recliner tucked in the corner and flips her off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She then turns back to Roman, hoping her lazy smirk is plastered on well enough as she shifts her body so that her sleeve tattoo is more visible. “I’m Dee. Remus decided we needed to meet yesterday, and, well, you know you can’t exactly say no to them once they’ve set their mind to something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“True that!” Remus crows.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roman’s eyes widen slightly, and to Dee’s relief, his lips curl upwards in a grin. “Dee? It’s great to meet you!” He immediately reaches out for a handshake. His eyes only looking over her pronouns for another moment before looking her in the eyes once more, as if confirming mentally that he had read correctly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t comment on it, and Dee loses some more tension in her body. She manages to shake his hand with enough casual air that she stops contemplating dead-sprinting out of the apartment and burning those bridges to the ground.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What? She’s admitted to herself long ago that she can be a tad bit dramatic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The interactions go smoothly from there, with Roman and her hitting it off better than ever. She even manages to slip in the fact that she’s genderfluid in there, which is honestly a </span>
  <em>
    <span>miracle </span>
  </em>
  <span>due to her lack of social prowess. It helps that Remus stays nearby, as a not-so-silent support system.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she leaves, she feels lighter than she has been in a </span>
  <em>
    <span>long </span>
  </em>
  <span>time.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Something’s different in the dreams.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’s curled up still, tucking her head away from the dream world around her, but she’s far closer to the others than she has been. Roman gave her new confidence, a self-assurance that </span>
  <em>
    <span>yes, </span>
  </em>
  <span>people like her. She’s at least functional. She’s not as much of an outcast or pariah as she thinks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>(God, she’s such a needy bitch, isn’t she?)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’s not exactly sure of the other’s positions. The leopard is curled around her, as if protective. The warm wall of fur is greatly appreciated, but does block a lot of her vision. The others are nearby - they cannot travel too far until they’ve all met and are able to speak, and even if that had not been the case she can clearly hear the indecipherable noises they all make as they chatter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Or at least, they all </span>
  <em>
    <span>should </span>
  </em>
  <span>be indecipherable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bird noises. The raven. She cannot tell what the words are.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A quiet rumble. The wolf. She cannot tell what the words are.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“-can’t just do nothing!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She bolts up instantly, jolting so badly the leopard startles, giving her a clearly confused and slightly anxious look. The leopard lets out a questioning sound. She cannot tell what the words are.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But...</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That couldn’t have been-</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She thinks of a man she met earlier. A deep voice that sounded all too similar. But no, that’s not possible, not even </span>
  <em>
    <span>remotely </span>
  </em>
  <span>likely, it couldn’t have been-</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Hello there, fair maiden.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Shit. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Shit. </span>
  </em>
  <span>It fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>is.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Roman is the lion. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Roman is the lion.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>That must have been why he had been so gravitated towards her, a snake. Why he had been drawn in by the description of a tattoo artist with a cobra sleeve. She will be honest with herself - she’s found herself treating corvids or canines or big cats just a bit more gentle than others. She just couldn’t help it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And now? Now it leads them to each other. Shit. Fate really had a hand in this one, didn’t she?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re not responding.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She jolts back to the dream-reality, aware of the wolf gently butting his head against her in an attempt to get her attention. Oh. That’s right. She’s still here. With her soulmates. One of whom is Roman.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wait, didn’t Roman </span>
  <em>
    <span>live with his soulmates?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh, fuck. No way was she even </span>
  <em>
    <span>remotely </span>
  </em>
  <span>ready for that. Sure, she gets a bit lonely and craves attention like the needy bitch she has previously established she is, but living with four other people? She’s not ready. She can’t do that. That’s too many interactions, too much socializing, </span>
  <em>
    <span>too much too much too much-</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She jolts awake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It takes stroking Macbeth with shaking hands to ward away the anxiety attack. Even after, she doesn’t sleep another wink that night.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <b>Snake Bitch: </b>
  <span>Need you. Full SOS.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus has never hated them. They have no idea why they’re so different from anyone else, but Dee’s rarely doubted their relationship with Remus. They’ve always felt like they belonged.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Trash Gremlin: </b>
  <span>omw</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Dee spills everything to Remus the moment they walk into the apartment, already having worked themself to a panicked frenzy. They speak so fast their words meld together which is ironic because everything else is </span>
  <em>
    <span>falling apart.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know why you’re freaking out,” Remus says, hanging upside down off of Dee’s couch. Their usual spot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dee falters in their pacing, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Remus, </span>
  </em>
  <span>this is your</span>
  <em>
    <span> brother. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Isn’t he like, accomplished and shit? Plus he already </span>
  <em>
    <span>lives </span>
  </em>
  <span>with his other soulmates. They’ve probably got like a system and traditions and what? I’m supposed to just barge in and assert myself and fuck it all up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not?” Remus shrugs - </span>
  <em>
    <span>very unhelpfully, </span>
  </em>
  <span>if Dee might say so.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Because they’re my soulmates!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Dee half-hisses, half-screeches.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You already get along great with my brother. You both love theater and all that nerdy shit. Plus, both overdramatic.” Remus points out, “Besides, I see how you two look at each other. Don’t act like you don’t want that.”</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It doesn’t matter what I want. It’s about what I </span>
  <em>
    <span>deserve,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Dee grounds out, a wave of self-loathing filling them. “I can’t...I’ve heard about them. They’re like - they - they just...They’re all nice and shit. They’re not assholes or anything. I’m going to </span>
  <em>
    <span>ruin </span>
  </em>
  <span>them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Listen, I know nothing about comforting people, or stuff like that.” Remus says, maneuvering so they’re sitting up as if they were a functioning human being. “Pleasant, happy, fluffy-feely stuff? Not my department. So just, I don’t know, go over there and fuck things up. Ruin them a little bit. In turn they’re going to fuck up your life a bit and ruin you. That’s how people </span>
  <em>
    <span>work. </span>
  </em>
  <span>It’s okay as long as you don’t fuck people up and ruin their lives. Well, I guess you </span>
  <em>
    <span>can </span>
  </em>
  <span>do the first thing. Fuck them, that is. Unless someone doesn’t consent. If you do it then then </span>
  <em>
    <span>that’s </span>
  </em>
  <span>fucked up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>can’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>do that, Remus!” Dee exclaims, ignoring the tangent at the end. “I can’t just - I can’t just insert myself into their lives!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look,” Remus says, “You have soulmates. You </span>
  <em>
    <span>found </span>
  </em>
  <span>your soulmates. You all meet each other. You fuck each other up. You fuck. You get therapy or something in between there because life’s fucked up your head more than it should have. You get a happy ever after, or something close enough to that in this shitty world we live in.” They list off, counting out of order on their fingers before fixing Dee with a look. “What am I missing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dee slumps into a chair, energy depleted. Anger turns into depression. A sick, twisted sort of depression. “I can’t ever tell them, Remus.” They say, defeated, </span>
  <em>
    <span>resolved.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, now there. There it is. That’s the overdramatic bullshit that would make you a great fit with my brother!” Remus exclaims, leaping up so they’re squatting on the couch awkwardly, hands flying as they gesture.  “You’re trying to turn this into like, some tragedy or some shit. You’ve gotten it into your head that no one can love you or some crap like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Remus-” Dee starts warningly, but Remus ignores them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, </span>
  <em>
    <span>look</span>
  </em>
  <span>, the world doesn’t hate you. Just some dicks from when you were a kid did, and they don’t matter. Half of them are probably dead from alcohol poisoning or something. These are your </span>
  <em>
    <span>soulmates. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Fate doesn’t just choose this shit willy-nilly. They literally each have a part of your </span>
  <em>
    <span>soul. </span>
  </em>
  <span>You see them in your </span>
  <em>
    <span>dreams. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Think about that, Dee. You </span>
  <em>
    <span>see </span>
  </em>
  <span>other people in your </span>
  <em>
    <span>dreams </span>
  </em>
  <span>because they literally are a </span>
  <em>
    <span>part of you.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>They lean back, relaxing more into the couch. “So just. Go out. Do your romantic bullshit and get a house in the country with like a deer or something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A deer?” Dee blinks, overcome by that whole spiel but decidedly </span>
  <em>
    <span>very </span>
  </em>
  <span>confused with that last part.</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. I don’t watch those sappy television shows.” Remus admits, dropping out of a squat into an awkward kneel. Dee never knows how they’re comfortable with the positions they take.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dee’s reeling under the weight of Remus’ rant, their head trying to wrap itself around the words. Blunt, crude, and - yeah, totally Remus.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then they’re laughing. They’re an emotional wreck and anxious to hell and freaking out but for some reason they can’t stop </span>
  <em>
    <span>laughing.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus and Dee hit the city after that and manage to convince a few tourists into mispronouncing common landmarks. Remus nearly gets hit by a car because they laugh so hard when a bird suddenly shits on some rich guy’s car and he flips out in public</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At the end of it all, Dee does feel better.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <b>Dee: </b>
  <span>I need to talk to you. In person.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Dee: </b>
  <span>It’s urgent. And it has to be tonight.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Roman: </b>
  <span>are you okay??</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Dee: </b>
  <span>Can you meet me?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Roman: </b>
  <span>im free after seven. Where?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Dee: </b>
  <span>My apartment, if possible. I’ll text you the address.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Dee: </b>
  <span>I can do a public location too if you’re uncomfortable but this is a conversation we should have in private.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Roman: </b>
  <span>you’re okay, though, right???</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Dee: </b>
  <span>I’m not in danger. I’ll see you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dee shuts off his phone after that. He doesn’t want to continue the conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Deep breaths, </span>
  </em>
  <span>He tells himself. </span>
  <em>
    <span>This will work out. And if it doesn’t, I’ll live.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>(That last thing was definitely a lie.)</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Roman knocks at precisely eight minutes after seven, which is rather impressive if he came from home, as Roman lives twelve minutes away on a good traffic day. He must have come from another location, or broken several minor traffic laws.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dee answers the door embarrassingly quickly, not even thinking about what might be wrong until Roman’s greeting is cut off by looking at his neck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry. I’ll put Macbeth away.” Dee apologizes, already buzzing with nervous energy. “Come in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Macbeth?” Roman comments, stepping in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“After the cursed play, yeah. I’ve always…liked stuff like that.” Dee calls, hesitating to admit what must be a flaw in his character. What kind of person liked shit like that? He’s so </span>
  <em>
    <span>weird-</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>No. Deep breaths. Remus said this would go fine. Remus has never lied.</span>
</p><p><span>(At least, not to Dee. The tourists now pronouncing Fifth Street</span> <span>as ‘Fife-the’ Street probably would beg to differ.)</span></p><p>
  <span>Roman nods as Dee comes back into view, Macbeth now safely in the terrarium. Now that he’s less occupied by the snake, Dee can see the stress in Roman’s own form.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I must admit, I have been worried by your messages. Are you okay?” Roman inquires as soon as Dee re-enters the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dee hesitates, chewing on his lip slightly. What should he do? Lying is his first instinct, but he can’t lie here. Not about this. Not to </span>
  <em>
    <span>Roman.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Quick. Think of a reply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have five soulmates.” He blurts out suddenly, after far too long of silence. He rubs his sleeve tattoo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roman looks over him curiously, but doesn’t interrupt. He just slowly nods.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m a cobra. They’re a raven, a wolf, a lion, and a leopard.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roman’s eyes widen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dee closes his. “Yesterday, after we met, I heard the lion speak. In your…”</span>
</p><p><span>“Oh my goodness,” He can hear Roman breathe, because of </span><em><span>course. </span></em><span>Of course his soulmates are such goody-two-shoes that they don’t even</span> <span>fucking </span><em><span>curse </span></em><span>about something like this. He’s going to ruin them. He’s going to destroy their relationship and ruin them-</span></p><p>
  <span>“Woah. What the...</span>
  <em>
    <span>shit.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Roman continues.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And, okay, that might help a little bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Dee says shakily, fluttering open his eyes, relieved to find no disgust there. Maybe it hasn’t sunk in yet. Maybe-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is </span>
  <em>
    <span>wonderful!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Roman exclaims, arms thrown in the air. “I- I can’t even- this is incredible, I - can I hug you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Dee asks, blinking dumbly. The question sinks in. “Sure?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is fantastic!” Roman says, practically </span>
  <em>
    <span>launching </span>
  </em>
  <span>himself at Dee. He’s taller than Dee, and his whole body wrapping around Dee feels like he’s in a protective cocoon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s. It’s really nice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But,” Dee starts when Roman breaks away, hands still clasping Dee’s forearms as if he’s afraid to let go. “But, I’m - you’re - how are you so excited?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roman quiets down slightly, “Oh, are you...are you disappointed?” He asks, far more reserved than he’s ever been, and the idea of </span>
  <em>
    <span>Dee </span>
  </em>
  <span>being disappointed at </span>
  <em>
    <span>Roman </span>
  </em>
  <span>being his soulmate is unthinkable.</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course not!” Dee exclaims, and Roman instantly relaxes. “But how are </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>not?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Surprise flitters over Roman’s face, before it adopts a strange look. “Oh, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Dee.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He breathes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t know what that tone is, but he decides he isn’t a fan of it. It’s far too close to pity, and Dee’ll be damned if his soulmate </span>
  <em>
    <span>pities </span>
  </em>
  <span>him. He yanks his arms away from Roman, and takes a step back. “Listen, I’m not like you guys, okay? I’m not a good person. I’m an asshole and my head’s all messed up. So I won’t blame you if you want to pretend this didn’t happen. That’s why I just invited you over. If you want to save your soulmates from knowing-”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Our </span>
  </em>
  <span>soulmates,” Roman interrupts, his voice fierce. “They’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>our </span>
  </em>
  <span>soulmates. You’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>my </span>
  </em>
  <span>soulmate. No take backs. No returns. I’m not going to pretend like you don’t exist, Dee.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dee bites back another self-deprecating comment. </span>
  <em>
    <span>The world doesn’t hate you, </span>
  </em>
  <span>he forces himself to mentally repeat. Granted, for someone who’s self-proclaimed really shitty at comforting people, Remus had given solid advice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Or maybe Dee’s standards for comfort directed at him were blown to shit. That’s rather likely, as Remus is his only real friend outside of his boss, who’s really just as much of a bitch as he is.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead, he says, “So what do you plan on doing, then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roman’s face is soft, gentle, so fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>warm </span>
  </em>
  <span>and </span>
  <em>
    <span>inviting </span>
  </em>
  <span>and lov- </span>
  <em>
    <span>caring. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He reaches forward, careful to telegraph the moment slow enough that Dee could avoid it. He doesn’t, and Roman gently grabs his hands and holds them between the two of them. His hands are so warm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I would like to date you, if you would be okay with that. Introduce you to the others as well, but that can wait if you are only comfortable with myself for now. Whatever you are comfortable with, really.” Roman tells him, very careful. “If you do not wish to do either right away, it is okay. These things - well, we have plenty of time. There is no need to rush if you are not ready yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But...” His face fades out. He’s overwhelmed by the sharp shift in his reality.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But I don’t deserve you. But you’re too good for someone like me. But I’ll just ruin everything. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Fate doesn’t choose this shit willy-nilly.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He takes a breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dating,” He manages to get out, manages to meet Roman’s eyes. They’re so </span>
  <em>
    <span>warm.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He takes another breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dating sounds good.” He says. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s a wild understatement. Dating sounds </span>
  <em>
    <span>incredible. </span>
  </em>
  <span>A dream fucking come true.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roman smiles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does Saturday work?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It does. And, hopefully, so will they.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>The date goes far better than Dee thought it would.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s currently autumn, and Roman knows an apple picking place just outside of the city, because of </span>
  <em>
    <span>course </span>
  </em>
  <span>he does. Dee wears a jacket, scarf, and fingerless gloves. If he could cover half of his face, maybe there’d be no signs of vitiligo left.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But that insecurity fades away, miraculously, because Roman shows up with a cute beanie in lieu of a scarf, and Dee has to pull up the scarf to hide a blush.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roman nearly breaks his leg trying to reach what he proclaims is the perfect apple. Dee cracks a Snow White joke that is far funnier to the two of them than it would have been under normal circumstances.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Afterwards, Dee is cold and sore and stuck with way too many apples.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was perfect.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>“You know, I think I’ve neglected to say I told you so so far.” Remus says, mouth full of apple. They’re sprawled out on Dee’s shitty couch, staring at the core in their hand rather than watching Dee’s quick pacing. “You two are disgustingly similar.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He likes the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Count of Monte Cristo </span>
  </em>
  <span>musical as well!” Dee exclaims, not pausing or even truly hearing her friend.  “Barely anyone even knows it exists. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew it. </span>
  </em>
  <span>And he likes it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus finishes chewing and looks at the apple core for a moment, before taking a bite of it. They then check their phone. “Twenty seconds left,” They say, after Dee stops talking. “Any final thoughts?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That does get Dee to pause in her path. She thinks for a moment, before shaking her head. “No. I’m done. Thanks.” She collapses on the couch, half on top of Remus. They don’t move. Neither are comfortable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dee’s not </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>done, but it would go on for too long for a simple twenty-second conclusion, so she figures it’s safest to cut off here.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>See, she had still had a strong desire to gush about the date even </span>
  <em>
    <span>after </span>
  </em>
  <span>harassing Remy for the majority of the work day. Remus had agreed to bear some of it, despite it being about their brother, on some conditions. One had been the timer. Another? Food.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dee doesn’t know what number apple that is. She’s not sure she wants to ask.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, when’re you gonna meet the others?” Remus asks, before suddenly shifting their legs. Dee manages to grab onto the couch in time to avoid being flung off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck you,” She says casually, before saying, “I’m meeting Logan next week. Friday.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus perks up, newly interested. “Ooooo!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Logan is their platonic soulmate. When he’s not with his romantic soulmates, he’s with Remus in their platonic dreamworld. In the world of the awake, they’re queerplatonic partners.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hope you two have fun~! I’ll be able to join in on </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>gushing session.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dee smiles, “Thanks,” She says, far more optimistic about this date than she had been about Roman’s.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her contentedness is short lived. Remus succeeds in getting her off the couch a moment later.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She flips him off midair.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>When he falls asleep that night and dreams, the lion is by his side. The lion kneels down and allows him to slither on and nest in the mane.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you secure?” Roman asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He rests there, warm and safe. He feels better than he has in a long time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The wolf - Patton, he now knows - says something Dee still can’t understand. Roman asks Dee for his current pronouns before replying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He will be okay.” Roman tells Patton.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And for once, Dee doesn’t think that’s a lie.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I mentioned that Remus has three soulmates, two platonic and one familial. Roman is the familial and Logan is the platonic, but I left one out in case there’s a new side they click with or something. If there isn’t, the third soulmate is The Critic.</p><p>Edit 3/8/2020: I saw someone loving the Count of Monte Cristo musical in the comments. I do heavily appreciate that musical "A Story Told" is amazing. If you look it up there is a <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3jlvFDFapZQ"> Sanders Sides animatic to it </a> which is also great.</p><p>SOULMATE AU NOTES [CAN SKIP]:</p><p>Everyone has at least one soulmate. There are three main categories - Romantic, Platonic, Familial - not everyone fits really neatly into one category, especially when feelings of like ‘found family’ get into things. But, society being society, those are the Mainstream Labels.</p><p>Soul Animals work the same for any category. People usually find their soulmates between their seventeenth and twenty-first birthday and until then they are alone in their biome. They cannot speak to their soulmates or communicate in a shared manner (as in, you could not write on the forest floor. If you do that they still could not read it) until they meet their soulmate in real life. That is where the blend happens - since there’s nothing really to differentiate between soulmates of the three categories, people are expected to just “know”. In cases like Dee’s, they never doubt that their soulmates are romantic because it is a very deep romantic bond there. That is not always the case, which is why not everyone has soulmates that fit neatly into a category</p><p>If too much time passes and the soulmates don't meet, they’ll eventually get really restless and start feeling drawn together. So, basically, all soulmates usually meet each other eventually. It just takes some people longer than others</p><p>You don’t soul-dream every night, as that wouldn’t be restful for your body. It does happen a lot when you’re stuck in that stage of having met your soulmate(s) in your dreams but not in real life. Before you’ve met your soulmates in your dreams you can travel wherever in that dream world, but once you meet them you're confined to that area. In the case of like four soulmates meeting up in pairs, the first pair to meet will be confined and the other pair will be able to move freely.</p><p>The stigma against snakes that Dee experiences in the story is exaggerated. It is more like the fact that he met some bad people who are constantly trying to find flaws in him. It is not a society-wide discrimination. It simply feels so prevalent because it really got under Dee's skin and their sense of self-worth is very low.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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